we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
They took my balls.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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