the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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