my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Drunk is not a location!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
