I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
