so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
