before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
