So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
