I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
