My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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