Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
