Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
smell my finger.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Randomize
