It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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