As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
