it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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