im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
