i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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