It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
