when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
