just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
