I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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