I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
