Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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