Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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