onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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