Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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