i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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