dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
