Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
