the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
