it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
