I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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