My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
