My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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