She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
