glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Drunk is not a location!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
