Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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