Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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