If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
