I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
