I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
