and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
