I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
