That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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