So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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