i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
