When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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