Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
