i really wish james franco would like my vagina
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Randomize
