We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
