some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
