he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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