I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
