If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
